Have you ever felt like your career is being obliterated? Or that it has slowly been chipped away at until you are in a space where you no longer have options? This morning I realized that this is the point I am at in my career and if I don’t make some changes, within the next 3 months maximum, my career will be totally obliterated.
“The call is coming from inside the house”
Yes – a “Scream” reference. I am, after all, still a Gen Xer and cultural references are near and dear to my heart. The idea around this quote works wonderfully here though because, indeed, the threat of career death is coming from inside the company. I have been tricked into believing that the person I report to has my best interests in mind. She has been kind and open with me, but in the last month I have started to see the things that others complain about, directed back at me and my work.
I work for a micro-manager. But, to top that off, my micro-manager is also a VP in the company. She is involved in all levels of the company and has ingratiated herself in the ‘boys club’ in order to rise to the top. Of course, she isn’t a C-level person yet, and I have a feeling that is never going to happen, but she strives, nonetheless. I’m not saying she is a bad person for doing any of this – this is a way that women have been getting ahead for years – but it is finally, ultimately, starting to effect those of us who report to her.
In her quest for C-level status, she has jumped into all the projects and basically taken over whatever she can to ‘prove herself’. Again – this is a strategy that I understand well, but I have learned from experience that it doesn’t work for me so I choose not to do it anymore. I will suggest that I have expertise in an area and volunteer to do the things I’m good at, but if people don’t want me to manage a project that clearly needs help, I will not push. The company isn’t mine to win or lose, only my position in it is.
This brings me to this morning. I’ve been working for this company for 7 years, 6 months, and 13 days. Today is day 2752. I am tired. I have tried to show that I am capable of managing projects. I have volunteered to do records management and training and mailings and a number of other things that are not actually in my job description in order to maintain the paycheck, but, as I said, I am tired. If I complain about my immediate supervisor to anyone in the company they will say “but she values you and your work and she is fighting for you” and I don’t disbelieve this statement, but I also think that she is doing that ‘fighting’ in a way that ultimately benefits her. So – if it will hurt her chances of moving up, she won’t say or do the thing to help. And I get it – I would probably do the same if I had that kind of ambition. But I don’t. And I suppose that is the bottom line.
And this is corporate America. I won’t find a job in another corporate environment that will be any different. In fact, I might not even be able to find a job in Academia that is different. There will always be climbers and nice people who seem like they want to help and outright assholes and misogynists and sexual harassers and other types of humans who become horrible people when shoved into an office together for years on end.
At the beginning of 2020, I set a goal to change my life for the better. It was more specific than that, but since March the ideas that I put together on my vision board have been basically ruined by a global health crisis, an economic downturn, and racial and social injustice. I’ve refocused my efforts on trying to maintain and grow in my antiracist practice and that is 100% at odds with my current employer.
Early in the year, I also tried to sell my superiours on granting me a new title. I didn’t ask for a raise, but I was willing to take on additional responsibility in order to call myself a Corporate Trainer and Librarian. I mapped out what that looks like, in practice, and documented the details in a job specification. The new title incorporated all of the work I already do (client support, mailings, training, testing, documentation, project management) plus training for internal staff and records management. This was a poor move on my part because it would require a lot of extra work with no additional pay, but I was willing to do it (and I knew I would most likely be doing all the work anyway, without asking for the title change) if I could simply put the new title on my LinkedIn page. I didn’t think this would be an issue, but it was. The CEO said, flat out, no, without even reviewing my job spec. My manager tried to make me feel okay about it, but I was not happy. I am still not happy. And, as we all know, 2020 has been the ultimate shit show, which didn’t help.
In 2020, furloughs have required those of us remaining in employment to do more and more work. Pay cuts have required us to do that additional work at lower rates of pay. Bonuses, which is something that I was actually going to receive for the very first time this year, were put on hold indefinitely. And now – 5 months after people were furloughed, it looks like they are not all going to be called back. And still, I cannot get a title change. Something that would require very little to zero effort on the part of the C-level folks, but means something to me.
Ah – but there is the rub. C-level folks don’t give a shit about the people that generate the actual money for the company. As long as we keep cranking out everything they need us to produce, on a daily basis, smile, nod, and never complain, even when things are shit, they will basically leave us alone. They won’t come for our jobs if we don’t make waves and asking for a title change is, apparently, making a wave.
I wish that I had a good answer for all of the above. Some nugget of truth that I could convey to those who are in similar situations. I realize that 2020 was a year of increasingly worse conditions for most employees in the United States and across the world. I realize that working from home, in a safe environment, is something to be very thankful for. But I also need to note that just because we are safe at home, doesn’t mean we are doing okay. The work conditions can still be a concern because the issues we face now are the same ones we faced in the office. Emotional manipulation is just as easily accomplished remotely as it was in person. I suppose this piece is just to get all of this out in the open (although password protected because I don’t ACTUALLY want to obliterate my career) and move forward from here.
My nugget of wisdom would be, then, to make a plan – any plan – to get out. Keep striving for better. Pay down debt and move on. Even if the next job is less money or not in the exact field you are looking for, moving to something new that meets your basic needs is a good way to jump. Having said that, 2021 has found me actively applying for everything and anything that relates to all the things I mentioned above that I am currently doing in my job. Although I might be a ‘jane of all trades’ right now, when it comes to the tech space, I can easily move into a space where I am focused on one thing and eventually jump into something better from there. The next job doesn’t have to be the last. Temporary is not bad, especially if it saves one from obscurity in the field.
